Saturday, July 31, 2010

Man Boy...with a side of Douche...

So the other day I was in Toys R Us with my son, shopping for a birthday gift. So immediately he makes a b line for the video games...Expected, he's 12 after all.

So as we are in there and I am telling him "NO" to his first 8 choices, I notice that it is quite loud an animated in our little corner of the store. Low and behold on the stand up gaming pod or what ever the hell it is. Where you can try out the new games...Are 2 grown men having some sort of spastic fits playing a game.

Now when I say grown men I don't mean 21 year olds, you need a little back and knuckle hair to be considered grown. I'm talking early to mid 40's adult males. They were hooting and hollering about how "Awesome the graphics" were and how "realistic the kill shot is". WTF?

So I thought maybe it was their first time playing a video game since Frogger and they were amazed at how far they come. So being me...Nosey Nellie...I listened a little more and a little closer. Turns out...these guys were junkies...or in short..LOSERS!

They were there sans kids to buy the new "Code of Douche Bag 7" and were ranting back and forth on how much "Like way better" it is than Code of Douche bag 6. They went on and on about sight lines, scopes, targets and graphics. If I did not leave soon I am sure I would of impaled them with a Wii. I was this close to screaming.."GROW THE HELL UP! DORKS"...
What made it worse was that they were playing the game my 12 year old...respectable video game age...wanted, and that I "Big Bad Mom" told him no...We don't do war or gun games in my house. To me these things should not be perceived as fun.

So here's the deal...or deal breaker shall we say. My husband and I met later in life, we were both in our mid 30's. If at any point in our dating time I had found out my husband was a "gamer", this would of been a deal breaker for me. No matter how FABULOUS he was. To me this is a huge red flag of many deeper underlying issues...and it's turn off...Just slap a "Never Getting Laid" sign on their forehead now.

My dear friend bitches about this very issue on a constant basis. Her husband just spent an extra $1200 to get a laptop with a certain type of video card in it for his gaming. He wakes up in the middle of the night to play with some dude in Australia...NUTS...GET A LIFE..a REAL ONE!

Dear men who "Game" have no have issues.


She Said!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Gob Stoppers

So the topic of hawkin loogies is where were at this week huh....well where shall I start?

I think for a lot of men it all starts out as being a boy and watching our favorite sports players carry out their in game routines and such. Every pitcher in Major League Baseball and quarterback in NFL Football seems to have an endless amount of saliva just waiting to horked out in front of 50,000 paying fans and another million sitting watching at home. So why do they spit constantly....I dunno but they do.

They scowl at the opponent's and hawk a loogie almost as a sign of intimidation to the other team....okay fine they are very focused and these are in game rituals by pros. I guess sports guys think there is an air of cool in spitting constantly.

Well take your impressionable male youth that's watching these sporting events taking cues from their hero's.....maybe those sports stars should take note to the layers of gob they influence on to our local sidewalks etc...but I hardly see change in this area at anytime soon.

So now that wide eyed little kid is a teenager now....zit faced, bad attitude and full of testosterone looking for an outlet around every corner to unleash rebellion. Surely the teen feels an incessant need for coolness and hey remember those sports stars...hey this must be what you do! Now this isn't just gender specific on this topic either. I have seen plenty of girls/ladies throw down some spit although it is a more rare occurrence....kinda like farting...right girls ....cuz well girls dont fart!

Sometimes ....well you just gotta spit...were human with a mouthful of saliva that never stops...well almost never stops. Us as parents need to tell our kids this isn't good social behaviour....sorry tell the"boys" this isn't proper behaviour in public.....but I'm not too sure how well that message will get received or will just fly in one and out the other ear...I'm going with the fly aspect. But its worth a try.

Its kinda that age old debate isn't it...Spit or Swallow? I THINK I WILL STOP RIGHT THERE.

He Said

I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I have a lot of pet peeves, little things that annoy the crap out of me. Bad manners, poor customer services, mimes and general stupidity just to name a few. However the one that tops the list is SPITTING IN PUBLIC! I just don't understand how people (mostly knuckle dragging men) think it's perfectly fine to just hock a loogie in the street or sidewalk... HEY DOUCHE BAG I'M WALKIN HERE!!! And quite frankly as FABULOUS as you think you are...I don't relish the idea of walking over your gob of said FABULOUSNESS...

It's socially unacceptable to litter on our Dear Mother Earth, why is it ok to spit all over her? And why do you have to do it at all? Maybe because...

A) You have a rare genetic over active saliva condition?
B) When your saliva reaches a certain capacity in your mouth does it start to burn?
C) You just an ignorant Son of a Bitch?...

When in doubt, always chose C...

So to all the Spitty Spitter faces out there...STOP THAT SHIT...Your vile and disgusting and your littering your neanderthal DNA all over MY planet. It's actually against the law in most places so don't make me pull out a citizens arrest on your ass. Cus I will! Dog the Mullet Man Bounty Hunters got nothin on the Deeva....I will CALL YOU OUT!

Dear parents of young boys, please teach them that spitting, just like littering is rude and not acceptable... and a major turn off to the ladies I might add.

And yes I am sure there are women (using term as lose as Pam Anderson) who spit... save your speech...

SHE said